Not all people that you interact with or you have to deal with are examples of trust, kindness and humbleness. Even though in general people are indeed good , there are occasions , sometimes more than a few, when a handful of these people do hurt you. There is nothing new in what i said here. But the important things is what you do when someone does hurt you ?
Everyone has his/her personal way of dealing with hurt. I have observed these “personal” ways in many people and here are a few:
a) Inflict harm to yourself and pain yourself
b) Feel sad and use this change in mood to inflict scorn on those near you who have nothing to do with all this.
c) Contract and withdraw yourself into a shell and become extremely closed
d) Cry
e) Ignore the hurt and carry on with life as usual
f) Team up with a close friend and discuss the issue
g) Make plans on how to avenge your hurt ….. This list can go on an on but these are by far the most frequent reactions i could observe
The toughest reaction for me so far has been (e) but i know people who do that and these are pretty strong individuals. I sometimes do (b) and (f) at other times.
What do you do ?
I thi8nk for me it’s either c or e depending on my relationship with that person. If he/she is not very close I would generally ignore and be closed to that person. But if otherwise I ignore and move on..
I completely agree : as i said everyone has their unique style of managing hurt . It really does not matter how you do it as long as the end result is personal emergence from that hurt. Cheers !!! and i hope no one has hurt you much !
I completely agree : as i said everyone has their unique style of managing hurt . It really does not matter how you do it as long as the end result is personal emergence from that hurt. Cheers !!! and i hope no one has hurt you much !
Yeap hurt has to be managed some how and most of the time I choose (d) cause I tend to suppress within and it flows out through my tears. This happen when the hurt comes from someone I trust and respect and does not expect this from them…but the do it anyway so I do have to handle it without questioning why??? I do also (c) sometimes to just go into the deep silence as in a cocoon just to analyze what happen, digest the hurt and try to recollect the disturb emotion….and again move on with life…Life brings so much surprises that sometime I have to simply let it come….
Dear bamns,
I completely agree with you on the surprises part . Sometimes we have to just let it come.
cheers – Suresh
Yeh I don’t allow anyone to hurt me 😛
How do you do that?
usually try to move. feel the pain.. and then grow from it.. or out of it.. whatever seems doable.
I prefer to cry it out to let my tears washed away the hurt that I had to bear deep inside. But yet at time, I could not find the tears there was once so easy to flow out. Hence I try ways to ignore the hurt that I am facing hoping that time will heal the wound. But all these ways are only temporary. The hurt will eventually come back if problem is not solved
Usually, I just forget about it, then after a few days, it all suddenly just comes crashing back down on me and I just get upset.
For me its b and d usually and sometimes its also g.
I know that b and g are really bad… but i really am not able to control my mind.
if people will hurt u..once or twice is enough..if theyr doing it still towards u,,its ur problem anymore..=)
i have been hurt many many times, and people find it amazinf that i can still trust others. but my moto is to never generalize, and not let hate consume me, ever.
thanks fo rthe interesting topic
Assia.
I think you are totally right you can never generalize and keep trusting people, and live your life to the fullest.
Mostly c. Like you said sometimes and in my case that has definitely been true, I have been hurt by a handful of people. I will admit that I am bitter and have decided it best to stay away from close relationships. It sucks though because we obviously need others. I can’t really support myself in every way that I need support. I also need others. This isn’t a great coping mechanism anyway because you still get hurt.
I think its so hard when u get hit with stress when u have never hurt anyone ever. U find it hard to deal with and dont understand why it’s happened. I got hit with stress indirectly through someone and i nearly ended up in hospital. Im still trying to get over it….and its hard. I just can’t trust anyone anymore…and think the world is full of nasty people hiding underneath pretty masks…..
i came from family where there was a lot of love so i was unprepared for the way unhappy people behave. i took a few beatings at school, including humiliations like being stripped in front of peers, and was bullied mentally when i first started work at an investment bank. since then i have over reacted to bullies and as i recognize them fairly quickly upon meeting, i have started to target them and hurt them.I beat people up in pubs and streets, i intimidate bullies when i meet them in the work place or in social situation. Now i believe i have become what hurt me in the first place. unfortunately it now feels too good to stop. It has become a normal satiation mechanism like breathing and eating.
Cool wish I could do that!!
At this moment I’m just thinking (g). He keeps hurting us and hurting us and I want to get back at him. I usually just move along with my life but this is too much. I hope his beer drinking causes him liver problems. I hope he gets sick and dies slowly. I hope he has a miserable rest of his life.
Before people start judging me know that I never feel this way towards anyone. I just deal with it and move on. This person deserves the worst punishment that can be dished out to him.
Whn sum1 hurts me i can’t express it n jst keeps that hurt inside me n sumtime i cry to realse bt i thnk my heart is suffrng 4rm pb due to hurts.
I think the most important thing is to not be scared and don’t judge yourself. Like don’t try to be strong or to fight the person if really you would rather deal with it differently, but you do have to deal with it somehow or it could come out in ways that end up hurting you. Talking about it, meditating, interperting your dreams, and realizing you have to stand up for yourself but you are not in charge of how they behave so you have to be able to forgive yourself for being a part of the pain and also remove yourself from the situation so you can heal and let go. But don’t ever tell yourself you are wrong for how you reacted, there is no right way.
I think the most important thing is to not be scared and don’t judge yourself. Like don’t try to be strong or to fight the person if really you would rather deal with it differently, but you do have to deal with it somehow or it could come out in ways that end up hurting you. Talking about it, meditating, interperting your dreams, and realizing you have to stand up for yourself but you are not in charge of how they behave so you have to be able to forgive yourself for being a part of the pain and also remove yourself from the situation so you can heal and let go. But don’t ever tell yourself you are wrong for how you reacted, there is no right way.
and don’t try to continue standing up for yourself years after it happened, by then just concentrate on healing on your own and when you have to deal with the person be mindful of your feelings and how much you can take. If you don’t want to talk to someone you don’t have to.
I think people hurt you when they also hurt by someone else….. So that tim you should ignore it and try to undrstnd his/her problem and don’t hurt them back….
You are so cool!!
I become sad for a while, i get enraged…but i always know that i need to take time to sit back and think why anything of that sort happened and what i should do to stop that happening in future! I weigh all the possibilities and then take any action….it may be any of these –
1 -i talk out straight and politely advice that it s not done and i share it out with the same person instead anybody else.
2- I try to turn negative into positive with my actions or words slowly – depending on the person,if i value him or her!
3- Ignore – if it seems to me that i am a regular victim of somebody then i just move on…and that s the last resort, i don’t think twice after i have decided to move on!
So all this depend on the intensity and the nature of being hurt 🙂
Some times pain heals faster some time it takes little while, but certainly have moved on, by learning and being little careful…BUT without loosing identity!
Doing the same now!
we dont have word to say when lifes hurt u it means no one undrstnd wht my heart sys…..
forgrive yourself and forgive others and let go,
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tell me why would someone kick you when your down already…I’m going thru another real stress in my life…loss of job and loss of a relationship and I have depression in my past… I always go above and beyond and want to please people … question anyone out there… My family members are very mean.
Well this is what happened 2nite..I went over 2 my sisters house to drop off brownies and some special gifts for my nephew for school 2morrow. As soon as I get there my sister says to nephew…oh u hv to go to bed …I wasn’t plan’g on staying but also my brother-in-law is a mean person (has done things 2 me in the past as well) gave me a dirty look because I was there..so I just told my nephew I hv to leave and when I left I had borrowed their garden hose and I told my brother-in-law that I was leav’g it at the side of their house.. OK so he calls me up and starts yelling at me say’g “Who said u could take that hose”..I said well u guys weren’t answer’g door the other day and didn’t think u wld mind”…FIRST of all this is supposed 2 be family.. Then when I try to explain 2 my mother how they made me feel so hurt and disrespected..she said well why did u take it you know how he is and that I shouldn’t hv gone their when the kid was on a schedule and he’s also mad that I had my dog w/me…OH MY god someone help me…am I crazy..??? I’m going thru such a difficult time and all I wanted 2 do was come home and pop a tranquilizer..I can’t understand why someone never mind family would treat me like this.
I think people don’t hurt you to hurt YOU. You get hurt because you had expectations of that person and that person does not live up tot those expectations because his/her priorities are different. That’s not wrong, you can only try to understand… It can also be,they hurt you because of selfprotection, trying to prefent themselves from getting hurt because they started to care too much…. again you can only try to understand. But sometimes that’s difficult because “the other” doesn’t want to talk about it or face it or doesn’t understand himself…. When you’re hurt it says more about yourself, your own boundaries. For me… that means holding on trying to understand, never let go. Sounds irrational but it’s the biggest form of respect no matter how someone else behaves…..